FCKuCANCER.

i have had a very hectic day, for reasons not cancer related, that i will most likely share at another time. for now, i am tired af so i’m gonna try and keep this post brief.

in group today one of the participants brought up something that i think should be discussed. forgive me and my memory because i know im gonna misremember something and i most definitely will not say this as eloquently as they did in our discussion but the gist is…

cancer ≠ bald.

read: cancer doesn’t always look one way. and damnit if that didn’t hit home with almost every one on the call. i’m gonna tell you how it was brought up and then we’ll discuss.

this person is starting to lose their hair again, and they said part of them was kinda happy about it, because now people will believe they have cancer. and the that the “you look good” and/or the “you don’t look like you have cancer” statements will stop. and boy are those two loaded phrases. because, again…what does cancer look like? it looks like many different things. all of the things. but also, on the other hand, the “when is your treatment over” questions will resume. so it’s a real damned if you hair, damned if you bald situation we find ourselves in.

oh village. we talked about this one for a while. because what they were saying in between the lines is that just because our heads might be full of hair, or maybe we didn’t lose any at all, don’t think for one minute that we are “cured” or not going through IT, in some form or fashion.

and i know this stereotype is perpetuated everywhere so it is no one’s fault, but the purpose of this blog is to highlight my journey, and hopefully educate some folk along the way with my own brand of humor sprinkled in.

so here it is…

• metastatic breast cancer = stage iv breast cancer
• this is a terminal diagnosis
• we will be on some form of treatment for the rest of our lives, until —
  1. we decide enough is enough & forgo treatment, or
  2. god calls us home.

although the side effects from our treatment and diagnosis don’t always present physically, we are all dealing with it the best way we know how. you, as our support systems, included.

and i don’t think you have to be diagnosed with cancer for this to be true so i’m leaving you with this…it was also said today re: managing/reassessing our abilities and commitments that this journey is a constant juggle. some of the things we juggle are made of rubber, and others glass. some may bounce. some may break. but its up to us to figure out and be realistic about which is which and prioritize accordingly. some days/weeks/months we will have all the energy in the world, and others none at all. and that is ok.

fin.