i’m probably going to forget all the things i need to tell you guys, but first and foremost, i need to say thank you. thank you for all of the prayers, well wishes, gifts, donations…basically thank you for your continued support for all things anna-marie. i love you all and i know i don’t say it enough. y’all are amazing.
bootwalk 2025 is over and it was awesome. we had a great turnout this year too. the weather was also on it’s best behavior. i will link pictures from the day at the end of this post. a fun time was had by all!
let’s talk cancer…i owe you quite a few updates.
last we talked i was due to get my tissue expanders deflated and refilled with saline. that was a very interesting process. i promised you i would record and post it, so i’ll include a link to it below. it is definitely not safe for work. basically the nurse placed a magnet on my breast that allowed her to pinpoint exactly where the port is, so she could insert the needle. to deflate, they literally had the needle hooked up to a hose, and just drew back to remove the air. i felt nothing until it got to the end. at that point, i guess the pressure is what i was feeling. it didn’t hurt it was just odd. the picture of the two deflated breasts is an image you won’t soon forget, if you dare to view it! if you are needle averse, the saline fill might be a little too much for you. they used a quad needle and hand pumped the saline into the expanders. i don’t know what i expected — wait, yes i do — i thought it would be auto dispensed like chemo, but once i thought about it, i guess it makes sense that it wasn’t. lord knows, we don’t want them overfilled to the point of bursting! anywho, they are pumped up now and i honestly don’t feel them. i think people tend to find them uncomfortable and/or heavy. i know for right now, i dont really feel much of anything in my breast area. it’s gonna take a while before the feeling returns and no one really knows to what degree, that will be. i do know that the right breast has the best chance because they were able to salvage some good nerves on that side. i’m also very glad i was able to have the nipple-sparing surgery. the scars are starting to heal and are barely visible in some places. this might be tmi, but even though i can’t feel anything, they do respond to touch, so i think that’s a good sign.
i have been going to occupational therapy to help me get ready for radiation. the plastic surgeon has cleared me, but the radiation oncologist suggested therapy to ensure i am able to hold the position i need to be in during the sessions. that was such a good idea. i am getting stronger each day, and i know the ot has sped up my progress. i did my “mapping” session with radiation almost two weeks ago. that is where you lie on a bean bag filled thingy and they suck all the air out making a cast of your position. they line you up on the table and put these sticker markers on your body and do body scans. i had to hold my breath for a while during the scans. holding your breath moves your lungs and stuff around and out of the way. i will have to do that during the actual radiation appointments, too. they then analyze all of that data and map out how to best beam the radiation. there’s a lot of physics and stuff involved. so, i have been in the most annoying holding pattern waiting on everyone to sign off on all of that science-y technical stuff.
i’m not complaining, but i am complaining! i haven’t had any treatment since august 19th and if i am being honest, no treatment is scary as shit. i’m super anxious about wtf is going on under the surface. i know that i had a pretty big surgery and have had to heal to get to this point. so, i haven’t been twiddling my thumbs, but still. i have been really freaking out over here. i did get the call on wednesday, tho. thankfully, my first radiation treatment will be monday. i have to do 16 rounds, which is less than the 20ish i was anticipating so that was another bit of good news, that i am not sure i shared. i am expecting radiation to this area to be more difficult than it was to my spine. there’s a lot of soft tissue involved this time around, and i am told that the radiation makes everything tighter. and also your skin basically has a bad sunburn. we’ll see how it goes.
after radiation, well there might be a little overlap, i will start the new chemo infusions. since the tchp regimen i was on before surgery didn’t get it all, we are going with kadcyla this time. i’ll be on it for about 8.5 months, at 3 week intervals. this chemo is specifically to treat the stage 3 cancer (er/pr-, her2+) that i was diagnosed with at the beginning of this year. i am not sure if i did a good job of explaining this before (and i’m most likely still butchering it) but, basically this new cancer is the complete opposite of my original cancer. and, it is more aggressive. so far, my stage 4 (er/pr+, her2-) is still stable. my prayer is that it remains that way. i’m not sure anyone really knows what to do if that changes. at this point, my brain is working on a need to know basis, and i have decided that i don’t need to know that right now.
this disease is awful. and i know i don’t talk about it often, but i have met a lot of people since i started on this journey that are no longer here. we lost another group member tuesday and there’s no better way to describe the feeling other than simply saying it fucking sucks, ’cause it does man.
eileen lived with mbc for 20 years. she was a pistol. and we all loved her dearly. she loved to say, “every day that i wake up on this side of the grass is a good one.” so when i say i am thankful for each and every one of you and the support you provide me, i mean it. i know how precious each day on this side of the grass is. and how blessed i am to have you in my corner.
i don’t know how much digging around my website you have done, but i have a memorial page on here where i post the names of the people (family, friends and support group members) we have lost to cancer. i even include the obits when/if i find them, and damnit we have lost some amazing people. people that deserve to still be here.
as promised, links for bootwalk pictures and deflate-gate videos are below:
fin. happy turkey weekend.
FCKuCANCER. 
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