FCKuCANCER.

ok. it’s been a while. and there are things to say, but just know, this will be a quick post. i’m not feeling very chatty tonight. last i left you i was just coming off of round 4, so let me get you up to speed because round 6 is next week.

round 4 went ok. all of the usual side effects, but more importantly — JAPAN HAPPENED. y’all it was glorious. it was hot af, but even cleaner than it was hot. i will add some pics to my bucket list page soon so you guys can see.

when we returned, it was time for round 5. thaaaaaat did not go well. at all. i thought maybe it was because instead of the usual 3 week interval, i went 4 (incl the trip to japan) but my doctor said rounds 5 and 6 are generally terrible. so yay, i have that to look forward to one more time. and when i say terrible, i mean it. i even had to go to the er to get fluids and whatnot. i couldn’t really eat, and i was literally on the floor many times, too weak to stand, and the cold floor just felt goodt. like theeeeeee best place to be. but thankfully, i am better now.

i’m still playing catch up at work. and thanks to an hr mixup, my short term disability (std) ran out. like a long time ago and no one caught it til now. so i had to requalify, and basically start that whole process over. what does that mean, you ask? it meant i had to take another 5 straight days off as fmla/pto before i would have std benefits reinstated (thankfully, after round 5 i ended up taking 6). but, apparently since i didn’t have std, i had to take straight pto. and although i technically have the time (approx 50+ hours for the rest of the year), coming off the japan trip i don’t have any “accrued” time left. fmla days can only use accrued time. so yup. ya girl had to take unpaid days off, right after a vacation. ugh. crazy frustrating. -10/10. do not recommend! i really hope round 6 doesn’t knock me on my ass again, because i cannot afford to take more unpaid days while i wait on the std claim to be approved. though i am assured that when approved, any time i do need to take next week can be adjusted to paid — so that gives me a little hope.

oh, and my birthday happened. i am now tippin on 44’s. can you believe it? i was 38, two months shy of 39 when i got this diagnosis. nothing but God.

today, i had a breast mri. it was just as miserable as the one back in april. i mean an all around dreadful experience. just uncomfortable every-which-a-way for what felt like hours. i was given headphones, but even with over ears and inner earplugs, the knocking sound of the machine was not drowned out. like not even a little bit. so not only are you positioned terribly, your damned ears are ringing and you can’t even focus on the music to take your mind somewhere else. fun times.

round 6 will be my last chemo infusion for this regimen. thank goodness. i do still have a year of immunotherapy infusions to do, but i’ll take it. no complaints.

on the horizon we also have the first of the surgeries/procedures related to my bilateral mastectomy — here’s the list:

• bilateral mastectomy
• lymph node removal (hopefully only two)
• spacer/tissue expander placement
• radiation
• reconstruction
• tattoo
• touch-up

the first three bullets are all done during the first surgery, by two doctors. then i have some healing to do. followed by radiation. more healing. then reconstruction, etc. i’m sure you get the idea.

ok. sleep is knocking on my door. i love you all and will hopefully give you better updates soon. thank you for all of the well wishes and prayer. i really do appreciate it all. i am very blessed to have you guys in my corner.