FCKuCANCER.

so lets skip over the part where i apologize for not posting in forever and jump right into it…

today, was scan day, and im not gonna lie…i was scared shitless. and before you ask, i went by myself. my body, my choice.

somethings you gotta do by yourself.

so yeah, my appointment was later than usual and i have to fast, so i still got there hella early hoping they could fit me in. no such luck. my xgeva was also scheduled for today, but we would be cutting it close so they were able to run my bloodwork and give me the xgeva before the scan.

new year, new deductibles, out-of-pocket maxes and copays –oh my. y’all know the drill, i called ahead and got it escalated and added to my bill, to the tune of 3k. it is still insane the hoops one has to jump through to get life extending treatment.

anywho, this was a pet scan, so when they call you back, you have to take a glucose test, and get injected with a radioactive dye before the actual scan begins. then you sit for like an hour while it runs through your system. i swear the scan took a lot longer than i remember it taking in the past…but maybe that was just my nerves. and also i was hungry, very hungry.

once it was over i had to do the usual wait for my images to be burned on a disc. so, i ran to the cafeteria and got some chips to eat while i waited. this part also took longer than i remember…

the car dealership is right across the highway from the hospital and i needed an inspection and a tire so i actually dropped my car off there beforehand and had one of the employees take me to the hospital. once i was back to my car, the day was pretty much over. that’s when the nerves really set in.

i normally get the results back pretty quickly in mychart, but i didn’t this time. and boy was i obsessing. average life expectancy of this diagnosis is 24 to 36 months…a fact that was hammered home when i was contemplating a mastectomy with reconstruction. june 10th of this year will be my 36th month mark. and look, i know many people beat those odds…but to be frank, the number of people that i personally know who didn’t, is steadily increasing.

so yeah. i was worried. and scared. and a bag of tears. and by 4.46 i still didn’t have any results. and i didn’t want to go home. so i went to the movies. and then the movie was over, and still nothing. 7 pm, still nothing. 7.30 and now i’m trying to drown out the voices in my head by watching tv and folding clothes. ugh. gross.

seven. forty. one. text from mychart buzzes in my ear. new test results available.

note from my doctor at the top. three words.

stable and good.

and i breathe. probably for the first time today.

stable and good. so is He. y’all, so is He.

fin.