FCKuCANCER.

last friday was bullshit. here’s what happened…

i have scans coming up this week. its my mid-year, let’s see where everything is, scan, and in preparation for any procedure i have from january til about mid-year i have to go through a whole process before i can get anything done. all billing related.

listen, y’all. i know this might be a shock to you, but i am not independently wealthy. ya girl is chugging along, robbing peter to pay paul like a lot of people. that being said, i am blessed to have a job and, what-i-consider-to-be, a good healthcare plan. but, as is common, i have deductibles and out-of-pocket annual maximums to satisfy. i’m laying all this out there to say…yeah, i do not pay for these things upfront. i am on a payment plan, and have been since june 2020. i make monthly payments to the hospital and whenever i have a new procedure i have to call a financial counselor to get them to put a note in my profile that allows me to check-in for my procedure without paying anything upfront. once the procedure is over and my insurance pays their portion, my portion gets billed to me. then, i have to call the billing office to get them to add that balance to my payment plan and my monthly payment changes slightly — badaboom-badabang. like, it’s a whole thing, but a process that i’m pretty used to at this point.

well, i started calling the financial counselor since earlier in the week to get everything taken care of. i don’t want to have to deal with this stuff the morning of my appointment. i have a new counselor, because the woman i was dealing with moved to a new role. this new person helped me in january so i didn’t think this would be a big deal — but she never called me back. fun. so last friday morning i called her again. we all know things didn’t go well, because if they had, you wouldn’t be reading about this right now.

y’all. this woman acted like i was speaking german. she kept trying to push me off on the billing office. i had to explain my situation to her at least twice before she seemed to grasp what i needed. then i got a lot of pleasant shuffling and words that amounted to her not being able to do anything. that she would have to speak with “leadership” to figure out what to do. ok, fine, i’m angered but imma let you speak to whomever you need to since my scans aren’t until next week. we have time to get this sorted out. but also, i am frustrated.

let’s talk maths. i have a little over 1k left to “spend” to satisfy my out-of-pocket maximum for the year. on my current payment plan i pay methodist a little over 200/mo. the payment is automatic. i don’t push any buttons for it to happen. the xgeva shot that i get at the infusion center quarterly (used to be monthly) costs north of 19k. for one shot. nineteen. thousand. dollars. my insurance pays 18k of that. and i’m purposefully only talking just the amounts that are paid to methodist. this doesn’t include the money that my insurance pays monthly for my chemo meds to the pharmacy.

i don’t know how much these scans are but i am on the phone trying to get them to add the 1k to my bill. and i have to jump through all of these hoops in order to get that done. me. a patient with healthcare and an already established consistent payment history. it’s ridiculous.

fast-forward…the counselor calls me back and informs me that she has spoken to leadership and they have agreed to move 60% to my bill but i must pay 400 before i can get my scans done.

at this point i am livid. like seriously. wtf. she can’t be seriously nickel and dime’ing me and holding my scans hostage for 400 dollars. but also, that would mean im paying methodist 600 this month and i cant. i aint able — i have other shit on my plate. and, ya know, life. so, i channel my inner-karen and request to speak with “leadership” directly to understand how they came to this decision. the counselor tells me that she can’t transfer me, but will let them know that i am requesting a call-back and we end the call.

y’all. this is when i fully hit the roof. i sent my nurse navigator a text longer than this post. i call my mom. i get on my group text threads and start getting resourceful. like i want mr. and mrs. methodist on the line. heads gotta roll. mountains gotta move. where is emily aiken.

just as i am mid-full-karen my phone rings. it’s the counselor again. she spoke with leadership and they are apologizing profusely. they didn’t realize i have cancer and will absolutely allow me to get the imaging done and will move the full 1k to my bill.

y’all.

what.

the.

fuck.

why should me having cancer change things. like why do i have to go through all of this anyway. i have “health…care”. i make monthly payments to this facility. this is a hospital, obviously something is wrong medically. why is cancer the secret password. and why do i have to do this before every procedure till my out-of-pocket has been billed for the year.

it is all so ridiculous. maybe it’s me. maybe i need to lower my expectations.

anywho. scans friday.

fin.