FCKuCANCER.

listen. for the love of god do not clean a thing on saturday. don’t make up a bed. don’t wash a dish. like, do nothing ok? this omarion variant is running through people faster than a kardashian.

i have things to say…

but first cancer. pet scan next week and oh the scanxiety is setting in. im trying not to think about it. other than that, everything is pretty as per usual these days. im thinking that’s a good thing. gonna attempt ian and jermaine’s thirty day fitness challenge again, my goal is to make it through. i am not even focused on winning the money. can you believe that? money is usually my sure-fire motivator. but, not this time. i just need to get back to the basics and get this weight down.

ok, let’s talk signs.

wait. i gotta back it up. christmas was hard for me y’all. i’m not even going to lie…it was very lowkey. i spent it at home just me and my parents. mom made gumbo, dad made jambalaya. it was very nice and chill. but also, it was rough.

i haven’t really talked about it, but this was the first christmas in ten years without sal and/or the boys. i know last year we were separated, but we were on speaking terms. i’m not going to go too deep into it, but yeah i decided back in september that the best thing for me is to end all communication. i tried my damnedest to avoid this route, but things had gotten wayyy out of pocket. don’t get me wrong, i wish him well. but from afar. very afar. i don’t pick up the phone when he calls, and i don’t read the text messages he sends. anywho, yeah christmas was hard. i thought the boys would at least come by, but nope.

and so christmas eve, my gift from momma was that she helped me clean up the garage. it was in really bad shape. now its basically sparkling everything is in it’s place, and all of the clutter is uncluttered…fast forward to my story.

i noticed the other day…tuesday maybe, as i was taking the dogs out there was a grasshopper on the ground near one of my rear tires. i figured it was dead and made a note to clean it up later. some hours later i take the dogs out again, and no surprise, it’s still there. well, when i let the dogs back in the garage geoffrey runs right under my car and basically scurries over the grasshopper. the fucker moved. and before then it was in the same spot it had always been in. no movement. but now it’s under the car. i leave it be and go my merry way. by wednesday morning i had forgotten about the damned thing and run to chick-fil-a to satisfy a chicken mini craving. came back and let the dogs out, still forgetting the grasshopper. y’all. i shit you not, when i let the dogs back in, the grasshopper is posted up on my tire. frozen in time again. completely still. and it stayed there all day and night. and all day today. every time i passed it i told myself to google what grasshoppers mean because its got to be a sign of something. but i never did. till about an hour ago. and here’s what i found…

When the grasshopper appears to us we are being asked to take a leap of faith and jump forward into a specific area of life without fear. Usually that specific area is one that we have avoided and is often connected to change on a larger scale. This can represent a change in location, relationships, career or just in the way we perceive ourselves.

Grasshoppers can only jump forward….not backward, or sideways. So, when grasshopper shows up he could be reaffirming to you that you are taking the right steps to move forward in your current situation. Or it could be that he is telling you to go ahead and move forward, getting past what is hindering you. This is why grasshopper is the symbol of good luck all over the world. Grasshopper’s ability to connect and understand sound vibrations is why he is also a symbol of your inner voice. he could be telling you to trust yours.

issa sign, right? i’m not crazy. i mean i am, but also — not with this. further, i just took the dogs out again. and he moved. as if to say, you finally looked it up, my work here is done, i’m out.

so yeah. whatever these scans show, or don’t show. whatsoever twenty-twenty ii brings, somebody is trying to tell me to keep moving forward; you’re on the right path. and i’m gonna listen.

fin.