FCKuCANCER.

ok, we have now reached the part of the program where the lead character goes crazy. (are we still allowed to say that word, or is it not pc?)

mark today, actually yesterday, as the day i lost my damned mind. i went full crazy-eyes.

but first cancer…

nothing new on the pain and side effect front. still bouts of the runs, and loss of appetite. wait, there has been a development — when i do eat, it’s turrible. junk, on top of junk. gotta get back on the wagon. also, i have scans coming up next month. feeling really anxious about this fastly approaching one year mark. and it’s just not rational. this should be a good thing…like i haven’t reached the hard part, physically. but mentally, i got way too much rattling around.

anywho. clearly i am still not sleeping much. this new sleeping pill doesn’t seem to be doing the trick. the next options are supposedly habit-forming so i’m not looking forward to taking them, but yeah…i guess i gotta call the doctor.

welp, let’s ride…

ok. as i type, i am also debating how much of this story i am going to give you guys. i’m thinking i need to get a little further away from it before spilling all my tea but i will say this.

1 – lately, people keep telling me i need to get out of the house. well, i maybe took it a smidge too far. just kidding, no maybe’s nor smidges about it. and…

2 – when i do tell it, brace yourselves because there is nothing funny about it. it’s pretty much bad. all bad. michael jackson. lead, turned villain.

mistakes were made. lines crossed. and the one thing overall, i really really didn’t want to happen, happened. and i have no one to blame but my own neuroses. i fucked around and did it to myself. gotta own that shit. and deal with the casualties.

have you ever done that? like, gotten in your own way? or is it just moi?

outtie. five. k.