FCKuCANCER.

yeah, i’m up. just took my sleeping pill. much later than i should’ve. will probably be up forever. so, good job me! and it’s not like i don’t have work i could be doing, but alas, here i sit. in this uncomfortable bed, typing to you.

as-if the mood i’ve been in for the past few weeks wasn’t already bad enough, i learned some shit this morning that threw off my whole fucking day. stop your worrying, it has nothing to do with cancer. and it’s not really my place to bring it to the village, just know — ya girl, is being T-R-I-E-D right now and i have got to get out of my head. stress is one of the main things i’m supposed to steer clear of, but i swear it seeks me out.

today also marks 11 months of knowing i have cancer. and i know i haven’t talked about it much, but the tenth of every month is always pretty rough for me. i’m not sure if that’s normal. like i know everyone tends to remember day zero. the first day they started counting down rather than counting up…but yeah not sure the monthiversaries are noted. what can i say — i have always been a weirdo. now i’m just a weirdo with cancer.

i owe you guys a dog story…

so sal and i have two dogs – jackson & geoffrey. jack is an australian shepherd/lab mix and geoff is a teacup yorkie with terrible teeth. jack is eight, and basically the best dog ever. and that is not an exaggeration. he is big, but he’s just a goof that wants to play with everyone he encounters. geoffrey is a tiny terror. we didn’t train him so he does what he wants. he thinks he’s big and bad, in true small dog fashion. and if that weren’t bad enough, sal basically made him think he is a parrot. so he likes to climb on your shoulder and/or howl/scream/yelp back at you when you speak to him. and man he is LOUD.

also both dogs get along very well, but they are extremely jealous of one another. so you can’t give one attention, with out giving the other that same attention at the same time. so basically, they tend to be assholes. also jack’s main [only] flaw is that he digs and sheds. geoffrey has too many to name, but he’s adorable.

ok, now that i have set you up and introduced you to them, here is your story.

so, i have the dogs til sal and i figure things out. since i keep them day in and out, sal is supposed to pay/get them groomed. if you know sal well, you know he tends to have good intentions, but lacks the follow-through. definitely over-promises, under-delivers more than not. anywho, the dogs haven’t been getting groomed. now, in his defense, we haven’t really been the greatest about regular grooming in years. but like now it annoys me. i’m carrying the entire load of this house for the most part. sal makes a lot more money than i do. and since grooming is not cheap, i refused to take it on.

so this has been going on since september, and they have probably gotten groomed 2 maybe 3 times. last month, i was at my wits end with jack’s shedding. his fur was everywhere so, of course, i asked my uncle jb (jeff bezos) for an economical solution.

y’all i bought some clippers. guess how many times i have used clippers. just guess…

i mean i have seen it done a million times on people. sal used to cut his own hair all the time. so i gave it the old college try…

y’all. there was fur everywhere. thank god i had the sense to do it in the garage.

but when i finished…

y’all. i. fucked. him. up.

i felt terrible. i didn’t know you had to cut with the grain. mistakes were made.

and that ladies and gentleman, is how/why jackson has “worn” a wood-grain coat for the past few weeks.

fin.