FCKuCANCER.

pretty sure we are past the me apologizing for not posting in forever part of this relationship, right? like, if you aren’t following the blog to get post notifications i’m not sure what to tell you at this point. you are more masochistic than alanis…who by the way introduced teenage me to that word and a whole lot of relationship angst that i swear i related with…and yet, had no fucking clue.

anywho, here we go. first things first. cancer.

back pain. cbd oil.
depression. increased dosage.
hot flashes. no sugar-yeahright.
aches and pains. exercise-does having the runs count.
insomnia. cut screen time-blogging right now, so more nope.
diarrhea. tough shit. see what i did there 🙂

wait. is this for reals…

first stop tires. once upon a time, about a month or so ago, yours truly had to get an oil change. these are still free at the dealership so, off i went. we all know that a trip to a dealership for service turns into a laundry list of a lot of other shit you need to do or your car will blow up once you leave the lot. one of the items on my list was a rear tire.

naturally, i said nope to the dealership tires and yes to discount. the kicker is now post-covid, the dealership is price matching. but they want a written quote. discount, of course, won’t give me a written quote. so the winner, and undisputed champ is…discount.

the dealership is adamant that i only needed one tire. discount is like thats crazy, order two, if it turns out you only need one, no harm, no foul. ok so, i order the damned tires, and cried tears of jg wentworth…

y’all…i done fucked around and fell into a youtube spiral…

ok, im back. where was i…

tires. the next day, discount calls me and tells me mine are in. it was a friday…what a black day.

so i drive over to discount. guy looks at my tires and agrees with the dealership, i only need the one. part of me is ecstatic. the rest of me is immediately dreaming of all the reasons this is terrible news. why on earth do i only need one tire. why aren’t they wearing at the same rate. spoiler alert: it took me weeks to remember i wrecked the car after my diagnosis and got new tires on one side. i know it sounds ridiculous but i’m pretty sure i have chemo brain, even though i only went through one round.

as i’m walking to go sit inside ol’ buddy is like, we need your wheel lock key, do you know where it is — all condescending like. of course, now i’m fuming on the inside because the audacity. like you assume because i am a woman i don’t know where this shit is…how dare you.

i pop open the liftgate and go to the little storage area where i keep said-wheel lock key and yall.

the damned box was empty.

what are the chances? so now im freaking out. like where is the key. this is where i keep it. i have never needed it (remember…at this point i have no recollection of the accident).

so now i’m freaking out. this is sending me over. it doesn’t take much these days to make this whole wall of emotion crash. everything is a crisis.

dude is like look, we can break the locks but…stop right there junior…you don’t even have to waste the oxygen. if anyone is breaking anything, on this here car, it’s the dealership. nope. no sir. so i’m like ok, put my tire in the back. i’m heading to the dealership and i’ll get them to put the damned tire on since apparently now i have to buy wheel locks.

so now i gotta high tail it over to the dealership. my service guy has a runner grab the universal key set and start trying to figure out which i have, so they can take these off and sell me more. while the runner is going through the set, my guy walks me over to the parts desk so i can buy the new ones.

he knows i have cancer so he tells the guy to give me his discount. cool cool. while parts is seeing if they have any, service guy goes back to my car. as i start to swipe my card he runs back in…they have located a key and will sell it to me, instead of me having to buy a whole new set. even better. yay. but also, they are going to charge me to put the tire on…and nope. discount isn’t too far from my house…

this should be the end of my tire story…but this is me we are talking about.

so, i get back to discount, and this time i stay in the car. they take the tire out of my car and commence to jacking the car up and replacing the tires. now remember — i still don’t remember the accident and therefore have no idea why the one tire wore faster, so i asked them to swap sides. put the new tire on the passenger’s side and put the older tire on the driver’s side. that way if it wears down again fast it won’t be the brand new tire.

america, you know how you can tell some shit ain’t right? like when you know somebody done fucked some shit up but don’t want to tell you yet? well, that’s what was happening.

y’all, folk started walking around and talking low. meanwhile, i am in the car. with the rear in mid-air on jacks. so, i’m literally stuck. i want to hop out and see what the fuck is goins on, but i dont want to cause this car to fall off these jacks…y’all. i turn my radio off. roll down the window. yell to the guy walking by…but this bastard acts like he doesn’t hear me.

now, i’m pissed. i look forward to try and read lips and one guy heads into the building and i shit you not. EVERY. CUSTOMER. IN. THE. STORE. IMMEDIATELY. LOOKS. IN. MY. DIRECTION.

charlotte. you know what that look means.

now, i am in all-out-panic mode. pistons are shooting out my ears. and these dudes must’ve drawn straws so, the one who lost walks over to me. he, all nice like, greets me and says did you recently have your car serviced? did they remove the wheels? NAWL MAN. WTF IS GOINS ON. he proceeds to mansplain that the wheel locks were on really tight and they have just broken the wheel lock key.

THE. KEY. THAT. I. JUST. PURCHASED.

he further mansplains. and says they have called the dealership and have ordered me another set of locks but it will not be delivered by the dealership until the next day because it’s now near closing time. so he is going to put another lock or whatever on my wheels and send me on my way. once the new set is delivered they will call me and when i arrive i will not have to wait…blah blah blah.

am i the only person this shit happens to? you can’t make this stuff up. its ridiculous. anywho, locks were delivered next day and bam boom bip, put on lickety split. no more tire drama.

fin.