FCKuCANCER.

so yeah. my bad. habits are an easy thing to break. especially when you’re behind at work. but i have missed you guys. and i swear every day, i thought it would be the day that i said hi. but alas. it never happened.

also hbd jesus. shot out to the savior and whatnot! (i started drafting this post christmas eve)

i’m sitting here trying to figure out where we left off and wth actually happened these past couple’a months. i have been blogging this entire hiatus in my head so i haven’t kept a good account of what needs to be said. plus my memory sucks.

november. so looks like we last saw our heroine, that’s me btw, after a bite adjustment at the dentist. let me tell you, it was not smooth sailing after that. i had a reaction to the antibiotic the dentist put me on and i started itching. like all over. like all-over-all-over. it was miserable. but the gag is, the itching didn’t start until after i was done taking the damned thing. and there was nothing i really could do about it. benadryl didn’t help for long. claritin didn’t either. i resorted to the tried and true oatmeal bath but that didn’t really help either. i found myself trying to get to sleep just so i could get some relief. and news flash the shit didn’t really resolve my tooth pain. i mean it helped. its not nearly as bad as before…but its still sensitive. to this day.

and since we are on the subject of teeth. remember that mouth guard i had to get because the dentist said i was grinding my teeth? well, turns out it wasn’t hogwash. i have chewed through this damned thing. i don’t even wear it as often as i should because lazy. if i’m already in the bed before i realize i didn’t grab it. nine times out of eight — it’s not getting grabbed. and before you suggest keeping it by the bed…i ain’t gon hold you…but yeah that’s gross. the guard has to be washed so the bathroom is where it, or the money if you will, resides. anywho i need to call the dentist and order another one.

now that you are caught up on teeth, i guess we can move to eyes. i don’t think i updated you on that front. its a quick one. i went to the optometrist for my follow-up at the beginning of the year. she wants to see me more often now because of the cancer so she can keep an “eye” on mine. i was prescribed drops for my left eye that i have to take for a month. i have to go back next week at which time i should be picking up my new spectacles, contacts, and so she can have another look-see.

the thing about taking a break from blogging, is you forget what’s happened.

ummm. lets talk food. my appetite is back. but of course it’s because i’ve been eating junk. i mean i have been eating terribly. i have only gained four pounds but considering i am supposed to be going in the other direction since cancer likes fat — this is a problem. what can i say? i’m a work in progress. i was fine with giving up alcohol, the junk food has proven to be sooooo much more difficult. i signed up for blue apron again, hoping this will help me to eat better. and pro tip: if someone gifts you a box from them, choose the meal prep as your first box. they sell it for +75 bucks, and you’ll get it for free99. eight meals; well four, twice. i did. and i spent all morning saturday cooking the food. full disclosure, i am not a cook. if it ain’t ramen, it ain’t me. so blue apron takes me forever. i follow every step and half the time i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing, but i get it done. this was no different but man i was tired. i woke up saturday morning with all of the usual aches and pains, but i still willed myself out of bed and did the prep. i was exhausted by noon. when i finished, i ran a bath and soaked for at least an hour. it was amazing.

if you haven’t been able to tell by now, we are doing some serious jumping around timewise. you guys know the drill…ride with me.

lets talk meds and side effects…i’m up to ten pills a day, six in the morning, four at night. three are vitamins – one-a-day (1), calcium (2). verzenio (2), arimidex (1), wellbutrin (2), and gabapentin (2). y’all, i’m all pill’ed out. it sounds like i’m shooting dice in the morning. side effects are more of the same. nothing really new – hot flashes are still kicking my butt. i have aches and pains, and my joints are stiff. my doctor says i need to be more active. i walked the dogs, once. just like most things right now, i don’t feel like doing it. i want this black history apple watch badge so maybe that will be enough motivation. i paid money to join my favorite workout challenge last month, but it didn’t do it. and i’m pretty competitive. at least i used to be. overall, i really don’t have anything to complain about. comparatively, i haven’t had a rough path thus far. and for that i am very thankful.

listen. this is a problem. let’s get into it…my welcome-to-cancer swag bag included a stick of natural deodorant. it took me a while, but a few months ago, i finally started using it. before i had cancer, i was jokingly aware that almost everything we do and use in our everyday lives causes/leads to some form of cancer. i’m sure you can agree, it’s like i was aware, but nooooow i’m AWARE AWARE. so yeah, i decided to start using the damned deodorant. village, this is a transition. one, sweat. this is deodorant, and not an antiperspirant. and man o man, if i didn’t know the difference before, i do now. hot flashes + natural deodorant do not, a good combination make. so yeah i sweat. and if that weren’t enough. this deodorant, does not de odor. but oh does it rant. it rants and fucking raves. you know it’s bad when you smell your own self. i knew there was going to be a transition period. i even didn’t use anything for a while, as per the internets advise. i was at my wit’s end. i gave it the entire stick and it didnt improve a stitch. and yes i know you’re wondering why did i give it that long, and honestly, like why not? we are quarantined. i’m not going anywhere. so yeah. a few weeks back i finished the bar and rolled up to walgreens to figure this thang out. and when i say figure this thang out, i mean it. i bought four or five different brands. i told myself i’d give it two weeks. if none of them worked i was going back to the tried and true degree. i mean hell, what’s the worst that can happen? i get cancer?!! anywho i stood in that aisle forever picking out brands and scents, got home and looked at all of the ingredients — every last one had baking soda in it. i know i know, i really was so hell bent on finding ones without aluminum, i forgot to check for baking soda. the internet says that most people have a skin reaction when they switch to natural deodorants that can be attributed to baking soda. who knew. so i had to carry my ass, deodorant in tow, back to walgreens and return all of them. ugh. this time i read all the labels and news flash, only one – one – was both aluminum and baking soda free. and it was on clearance. did i mention the others were also on clearance? not a good sign. but just in case it worked, i bought every stick they had. and guess what? it’s working. i mean i catch a whiff every now and again, but it’s not even close to how it was before. thank god.

see. it’s the little things. welp. my computer is about to die. and if i don’t post this now, it might be another 3 months before i add to this draft. no time to proofread. not that i do a good job at that any way.

later taters…