FCKuCANCER.

so i’ve got a lil funny story about prayer (not cancer-related)…but first updates…

i know we are all out of order here and i swear i’m trying to catch up. shit’s confusing to me, so i know it’s confusing to y’all. but this post is in the here and now…not the past. kinda/sorta.

last we spoke i shat myself and we all shared a lengthy laugh. here’s what has happened since…

on the 24th i had my port removed. yay yay. the procedure went pretty much like the placement, just in reverse. no hiccups. no embarrassing anecdotes to tell. i will say this. it feels like forever ago. me and this time thing are not really getting along right now. things are going really fast – but in slo mo. i know that doesn’t make a lick of sense, to anyone but me. wait. i lied, i just remembered there was one hiccup. i mean, this is par for my course so i don’t think they even stick out anymore! the iv. that is alway hit or miss. some nurses are really good, others not so much. i warn every one who is about to prick me, that some people tend to have a hard time finding veins. this was one of those times. so first there was a woman nurse — she called in backup. he was also having trouble. he kept going from one hand/arm to the other. finally, he settled on my left hand. and he had me positioned so that the hand was basically low, off of the bed so i couldn’t really see wth he was doing. but you know, i’m used to getting pricked now so i didn’t really care. once he’s done drawing the blood and taping the needle down so it would be iv ready, he walks over to the computer to enter whatever it is they enter. it is during this time that i had full reign of my hand again and yall…blood was everywhere. like seriously wtf. so i was like ummm can i have napkin or something to clean this up? so he came back over and cleaned it up as best he could. i posted. a pic of my “clean” hand on insta. yeah, and there is still blood down my finger. i thought it was hilarious at the time. back to the surgery, like i said it was pretty much the same as before. but afterwards they introduced me to the best peanut butter sandwich crackers i have ever had. frito lay – munchies. listen, there is no competition.

nothing else really cancer related..but we haven’t had a side effect check in a while…

1. diarrhea – i mean i don’t need to go into detail about this one. just know its a problem. common side effect of the meds.
2. lethargy – yup, still tired all the time really.
3. focus – definitely still an issue i grapple with daily. work is not balanced at all. it’s taking me way longer to do things. so i’m still trying to find my happy medium in this regard. i’m getting work done. not as much or as fast as i would like.
4. flashes – still having them. never will get used to them. hoping they see their way out soon. they were never invited anyway.
5. memory – man my memory has always been terrible, but now it’s worse.
6. appetite – nil. i eat only because my meds require it.

it has also occured to me that i may not have told you what all im taking…

1. xgeva – shot, monthly – this is for my bones
2. arimidex – pill, once a day – this is an estrogen blocker, even though i dont have any *ahem* ovaries, my body still makes estrogen albeit a minimal amount – some foods turn into it, etc., so i need this to block it.
3. verzenio – pill, twice a day – this is the shit pill  😂 – it’s whats treating the cancer in my bone and my breast. we’ll know on the next PET scan how it’s doing it’s job.
4. wellbutrin – pill, once a day – anti depressant.
5. caltrate – pill, twice a day – calcium – for my bones
6. one-a-day – pill, once a day – vitamins
7. lorazepam – pill, once a day – for anxiety
8. ningxia red – drink, shot a day – because my aunts told me to 😂

also working on my diet. i have to lose weight and eat better. its difficult period, but i know it’s necessary. cancer likes all the same things i do, and that’s a big problem.

ok story time…

last week i had packages to send. one to california – to the best travel mememto company ever the wander club, and the other to connecticut. in the before time, i shipped things out often, so i have a few flat rate shipping boxes at home. i put together the boxes, printed my labels only to realize i’m out of packing tape and the little clear shipping label sleeves, so now i have to go on a dreaded trip to the post office. it’s ok i had to go to ups anyway to return an air fryer. i loaded up the car and was on my way. first stop ups. no issues there. next stop, usps. line was, much like our president, crazy and on steroids. i walked to the back of the line, and then it occurs to me i really only need tape, so i mosey on down and grab the priority packing tape and haul off to a corner that had no people and get to taping. and i mean i taped up everything. did a pretty good job if i do say so myself. returned the tape to its location, and dropped the boxes down the chute. feeling accomplished i head back to the car.

listen. whenever iiiiiii feel accomplished, something always knocks me off that high horse. this was no exception. y’all i sat in my car and it hit me like lightening. i did all that damned taping and didn’t pay one cent of attention to which label i applied where!! and now i just felt ridiculous. the boxes were no where near the same size. i was going to have to call the wander club and explain to them why i sent them bags of buckeys beaver nuggets, ghost pepper beef jerky and hangers, instead of 5 token-filled key rings. a conversation i was not prepared to have. ugh only me.

i called sheena and elena to tell them about my oopsie. and we are laughing trying to figure out what to do. then i remember the label on the small box was going to be too thick from folding so i ripped it in half while i was taping it on. i grabbed the other half of the paper from my bag, and thankfully it had the receipt info and it was the right one. i applied the labels correctly.

wow i guess i had a lot to tell y’all because i still haven’t gotten to my prayer story…but first…y’all really do need to check out the wander club if you travel. especially if other countries let us back in…they sell really cool small mementos of the places you have been.

ok, i swear i will try to make this quick. so when elena was here, i noticed the dishwasher wasn’t really working properly — it was using all the jet dry in one cycle. i called the home warranty ppl and they sent a technician out. here is where it gets off the rails. now i was really hoping *ahem* praying the damned thing was unfixable so i could get a new dishwasher. i already had one picked out to match the new stove and microwave. back up…they replaced the microwave a year or so ago, and didn’t give me the same brand i had. i have since bought a new stove, because the old one was on it’s last leg, and matched brands to the microwave — so, obviously i want a new dishwasher & fridge to match. this was supposed to be it. my moment.

anywho. the man came, said a bunch of shit was wrong and he had to order parts. ugh. i blew it.

fast forward a month or so — yes, these are covid times — and all the parts are in so he comes back to fix the dishwasher. now we have still been using it this entire time, because i mean it washed, just didn’t dry well.

this man was lying on my kitchen floor for what seemed like hours. he packed up his stuff and said welp, it can’t be fixed. something about fiberglass warping and thingamajig not sealing. don’t use. water will be everywhere…it will have to be replaced.

y’all…

i mean i probably should’ve devoted thaaat particular prayer to my cancer. but we’re here now, so…let’s ride with it. so i get the link to choose a new washer and the one i had written down was on the list. as an upgrade. and here is where it gets hairy. i didn’t agree with the price they said my dishwasher was worth so i got on the phone. the rep i spoke with was like blah blah blah that’s the price. so fine, ok, this is the one i want let’s place the order, because i ain’t got the energy to wash no damned dishes.

the damned dishwasher i want is on backorder. ugh. and not only that — the one they said is comparable to mine is also on backorder, unless i want white. and not only that — basically almost all the damned dishwashers on the list are on backorder.

needless to say, the matter has been escalated.

to sum it up…about prayer — be intentional about the things you pray for. jesus has a sense of humor and might give you EXACTLY what you ask for!!