FCKuCANCER.

y’all it’s been a minute. i’ve been tired. like super tired. and i neglected you all. i am sorry. did you miss me?

well, i have missed you. and here is what i haven’t told you. i did test positive for thecovid. but yeah, we pretty much knew that was coming. i’m ok. it’s a really mild case thus far, just tiredness and coughing. i had a few fevers, but haven’t had one in a few days now, and and the coughing seems to also be leaving so hopefully i’m on an upswing. also, my hair was falling out so sal shaved my head for me…check out instagram for pics.

now that that’s out of the way let me tell you why i’m mad…

i probably shouldn’t say any of this right now because i am not done processing but here goes. i have officially lost all faith in my medical team.

my oncologist pissed me smooth the fuck off today and now i have to find a new one. today’s appointment was what i thought would be a check-in. an, ok, you are almost done with radiation and about to restart chemo — you ready? type appointment. it was not that at all.

my treatment plan changed again. and like at first it seemed like it was because of thecovid but then later revealed it had nothing to do with it. they basically now don’t want me to do any more chemo, and to go directly into the anti-estrogen therapy drugs….for like ever. the appointment was a virtual visit. and i was frustrated, i think deservedly so. this new treatment plan is less aggressive. surgery is no longer on the table. my doctor spent the whole time talking over me. nothing makes sense. she keeps saying the change is because of the cancer in my bones…and this is the plan based on the national guidelines but. but. like we knew this three weeks ago. we knew this the morning of my first chemo. we’ve known this for the past nine radiology appointments. nothing has changed. to my knowledge. so why is my treatment plan changing now. less than a week before chemo is to begin.

like y’all….

am. i. dying. and they just didn’t tell me. why am i the last to know.

why don’t they want to kill my cancer anymore.

so yeah. i’m all the way fucked up right now. this is worse than finding out you have cancer.