FCKuCANCER.

clearly, i’m no yonce. but here we go. time for your chemo 1 update. and don’t hold it against me if i am repeating myself from other posts…i can’t keep track of everything i have actually told y’all, from the things i told myself i would get around to telling.

quick and dirty list of side effects, maybe. i mean, this is my first go-round, these might just be the after-effects of knowing you have cancer, and now everything is automatically an issue/side effect…

• lethargy – i shole is tired, boss. but it’s not like a, i just want to sleep tired. it’s more like i don’t really FEEL up to doing anything, but i know i HAVE to, so i’m super-draggy about it all.
• hiccups – these were annoying as hell at first, and probably the first thing i noticed. they come out of nowhere, and at first were at more frequent intervals. now they come and go in like spurts of two or three. seriously, no biggie AT ALL. don’t even know why i’m mentioning them…it really could just be that whole it must be the cancer thing i said earlier.
• hot flashes – jesus christ. and i hope i don’t sound ridiculous…like i know the patch was feeding the cancer, but damn [REDACTED]…i’m not gonna finish that sentence…but y’all know what i was about to say. sorry to that patch, because i didn’t need to ever meet the man named hot flash. and they come in waves. almost like, you know, flashes. #whodathunkitright. just this god awful heat that swallows you whole and you can’t escape it. you just have to ride them out, and hope it doesn’t take too long.
• loss of appetite – honestly i don’t know why i’m really putting this on the list. this ain’t even an issue anymore. and also, truthfully, i lost my appetite like at the diagnosis stage, not really the chemo. i have a huge sweet tooth, so i got over it about about a day or two after chemo. yes, i know, i’m eating not all the right shit…but hey, i have cancer i’m sure i’ll get to the nutritious and delicious stage in a few more days….hopefully after my cinnamon swirl cake #shoutout to aunt dot.
• loss of focus – this is another one i’m not sure is chemo-related. there is just soooooo much on my mind. so many things rolling through my head. i am having serious trouble focusing and completing tasks. this is really apparent “at work”. it is taking me forever to get things done. do not recommend. i’m working longer, getting less done.
• i don’t know what to call this one – acid reflux maybe. bad reaction to something i accidentally ate before i realized it wasn’t on the approved list. i dunno, but yeah, all evening it has felt like something is in my throat and won’t go down. i have had water, ginger peach tea, more food, popsicles, nausea medicine…nothing helps. let me tell you, i am uncomfortable. right now. this very moment. no good is coming from this. and i know what you are thinking. you want to know what the hell i ate –> corn salad/salsa with chips. sal makes it. it’s delicious. and we had a jar in the fridge. i just took it out, really out of habit, and munched on it. had about 4 bites before i realized, wait…this is a salad. this isn’t cooked. oh shit. then i drank water, and tried to flush it down with more chips. nope. the feeling was there. it’s now been hours. yet she persisted.

that’s really all that comes to mind right now. so yeah, in the scheme of things, i don’t think i’m doing too bad after my first bout with the red devil. but i do know he’s still got his eyes on me, so imma just stay ready, so i won’t have to git ready.

coming down the pipe (ole qcorps reference – and completely unrelated, i’ll drop off another: pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered) – ten radiation sessions, starting monday. i know this sounds like a huge amount. but today i learned that my brother-in-law did like 35, and he did his while he was doing his chemo – lung cancer survivor, this year actually – so, yeah….i can do this.