FCKuCANCER.

so going into today, i didn’t expect it to change the entire trajectory of my life. but it did just that. this wasn’t my first rodeo. i have been having ultrasounds since i was 12. i’ve also had a few mammograms, up to this point everything found has been cysts, fibroids, endometriosis and a partridge in a pear tree.

so i did the mammogram first. they took a lot more images than usual. this should’ve been my first clue that problems soon come. but i still thought it was just the tech being thorough for the radiologist.

next came the ultrasound. and this is when i got on high alert. i couldn’t see the screen, not that i would know anyway, but i was watching her. and i could see cancer written all over her face. and i saw that look multiple times. every time she passed over something new. so now i’m just man’ing up. preparing myself mentally for the radiologist to come in and tell me the results. my mother was able to come into the room for this part…so im now also reassuring her that its gonna be ok, its probably nothing. knowing damned well it was far from nothing.

in walks the radiologist’s ultrasound tech. this ultrasound tech does another ultrasound of my breast and underarm.

in walks the radiologist. she takes another look and informs me that they would like to do biopsies of the mass in my breast that i found, and another that showed up on the images and yet another of one of my lymph nodes. she goes on to say that i also have more nudules in my breast that may or not be of issue. the masses that they see are worrisome, and can i stay today so they can do the biopsies now.

WHENEVER A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL WANTS YOU TO DO A PROCEDURE RIGHT THEN, YOU KNOW ITS TROUBLE AND THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS YES.

so i get ushered into another room. the procedure is explained, biopsies are done in three areas. three samples from each of the two masses in my breast, and 2 of my lower lymph node. the radiologist explained that an upper lymph node was enlarged, but that it looked normal to her, the lower one is what looks abnormal so that is the one she biopsied.

after the biopsies were done, they told me to come back wednesday for the results. it has been my experience that they call you with good results, you come in for the bad ones. so when we got in the car, i looked at my mom and told her that basically it’s safe to assume that i have breast cancer, now we just have to wait for the diagnosis.

usher in the tears and all that jazz. we started making phone calls. prayers began. i went (logged into) work on tuesday and let my boss know that i would be out again on wednesday.